Monsters of Rock - Milton Keynes Bowl 3rd June 2006
Saturday’s Milton Keynes extravaganza was promising to be something special and I had been looking forward to it for quite some time. I was pleased that someone had finally pulled their head from up their arse long enough to actually put together a line-up that showed some thought and aimed to please a specific category of punters; people like me - people of a certain age.
The current Donington ‘thing’ tries to cater to too wide a range of festival-goer and, for my money, fails to provide a great festival experience to anyone over the age of 17. Rather than appealing to one particular group with fewer targeted bands, it aims to please everyone, but really only ends up satisfying some in part. Yes, Metallica might be a great act to headline the Saturday but, the rest of that day’s bill does not appeal to people like me. So, to see The ‘tallica, I would have to pay £60, wait around all day, hoping that the entire band shows up this time. Sorry, they ain’t that good; they may be Metallica, but they ain’t no Megadeth. As for any other band that may be worthy of a weekend ticket, G ’n’ R? Yeah, right. That’s fat, bald, bad-hair-weave Billy Rose and a bunch of blokes. I don’t think so. Check the sell-by date on that one; it says ‘Best before 1992’. Aside from those two acts, there was absolutely nothing on the bill for me.
The current Donington ‘thing’ tries to cater to too wide a range of festival-goer and, for my money, fails to provide a great festival experience to anyone over the age of 17. Rather than appealing to one particular group with fewer targeted bands, it aims to please everyone, but really only ends up satisfying some in part. Yes, Metallica might be a great act to headline the Saturday but, the rest of that day’s bill does not appeal to people like me. So, to see The ‘tallica, I would have to pay £60, wait around all day, hoping that the entire band shows up this time. Sorry, they ain’t that good; they may be Metallica, but they ain’t no Megadeth. As for any other band that may be worthy of a weekend ticket, G ’n’ R? Yeah, right. That’s fat, bald, bad-hair-weave Billy Rose and a bunch of blokes. I don’t think so. Check the sell-by date on that one; it says ‘Best before 1992’. Aside from those two acts, there was absolutely nothing on the bill for me.
There is Leeds Festival. I would have liked to go but, £130 just to see Wolfmother. Nope. Not going to happen, no matter how good I think that band is. Then the other possibility was the Oxegen festival in Ireland. That one, I would have gone to, but I couldn’t bloody well afford it by the time I found out about it! Son of a…
Milton Keynes , however, in spite of the location, had loads to offer to us fortysomethings, at a price that we liked ;-) £38.50! Hell, I’d paid that much for a Journey ticket at Manchester the following Monday, but that’s another story.Call me cynical… I’ll wait… Thank you. I think it was a marketing ploy by the MK council to attract people to the locale. Well, I can’t think of another reason to go to that godforsaken hell-hole. Can you?
Milton Keynes , however, in spite of the location, had loads to offer to us fortysomethings, at a price that we liked ;-) £38.50! Hell, I’d paid that much for a Journey ticket at Manchester the following Monday, but that’s another story.Call me cynical… I’ll wait… Thank you. I think it was a marketing ploy by the MK council to attract people to the locale. Well, I can’t think of another reason to go to that godforsaken hell-hole. Can you?
10 If no_rant goto 50
20 . elseif rant goto 40
30 endif
40 write rant_start
I went to Milton Keynes Bowel once before: 1982. It rained all bloody day and was the most miserable event weather it has ever been my misfortune to experience. Mind you, which oxygen thief decided it would be smart to put on an outdoor event in the UK, in October? Peter Gabriel has a good deal to answer for. It took us five hours to get out of the car park. I know how it must feel to be trapped in quicksand… it’s like being in Milton Keynes. I was only there for the day, but it seemed like forever.
45 write rant_more
Milton Keynes is my second-least favourite place on the entire planet. I hate it more than Dungeness, Dounreay, Dallas, and a few other places that start with a ‘D’. It sucks bigger donkey balls than Swindon, Scunthorpe and Stoke. Even Oklahoma City has more to offer in it than this roundabout-infested seventh circle of hell. No, the only place I hate, in the entire world, more than Milton Keynes is… come on; if you were a true follower you would know the answer to this one… I’ll have to hurry you… No conferring! Anyone? No? The answer is Norfolk. I can’t believe you didn’t know that. Yes, people, ‘The Devil’s Own County is only very slightly more repugnant than Milton Keynes and that’s only because Cabbage Central is so much further away and takes light years to get to. If Norfolk moves closer to Cheshire at any point, Milton Keynes will definitely be elevated to that venerated top spot, that’s how much I loathe the place. And I have been to Trenton, New Jersey, so I know what I’m talking about!
47 write rant_end
And if any of you anorak-wearing, sprout-eating, Birkenstock-clad motherfuckers says word one about the this not being a real programming language, I swear to Me that I will hunt each and every one of you sad spotty, specky, four-eyed, weedy, little bastards down and disembowel you all with a rusty Runcible spoon, so help me, Me.
50 end
20 . elseif rant goto 40
30 endif
40 write rant_start
I went to Milton Keynes Bowel once before: 1982. It rained all bloody day and was the most miserable event weather it has ever been my misfortune to experience. Mind you, which oxygen thief decided it would be smart to put on an outdoor event in the UK, in October? Peter Gabriel has a good deal to answer for. It took us five hours to get out of the car park. I know how it must feel to be trapped in quicksand… it’s like being in Milton Keynes. I was only there for the day, but it seemed like forever.
45 write rant_more
Milton Keynes is my second-least favourite place on the entire planet. I hate it more than Dungeness, Dounreay, Dallas, and a few other places that start with a ‘D’. It sucks bigger donkey balls than Swindon, Scunthorpe and Stoke. Even Oklahoma City has more to offer in it than this roundabout-infested seventh circle of hell. No, the only place I hate, in the entire world, more than Milton Keynes is… come on; if you were a true follower you would know the answer to this one… I’ll have to hurry you… No conferring! Anyone? No? The answer is Norfolk. I can’t believe you didn’t know that. Yes, people, ‘The Devil’s Own County is only very slightly more repugnant than Milton Keynes and that’s only because Cabbage Central is so much further away and takes light years to get to. If Norfolk moves closer to Cheshire at any point, Milton Keynes will definitely be elevated to that venerated top spot, that’s how much I loathe the place. And I have been to Trenton, New Jersey, so I know what I’m talking about!
47 write rant_end
And if any of you anorak-wearing, sprout-eating, Birkenstock-clad motherfuckers says word one about the this not being a real programming language, I swear to Me that I will hunt each and every one of you sad spotty, specky, four-eyed, weedy, little bastards down and disembowel you all with a rusty Runcible spoon, so help me, Me.
50 end
Nevertheless, Firstborn and I made it to MK Bowel in good time. Secondborn had elected to go and see Funeral For A Friend in Manchester for the 9th time, instead. Go figure?! She’s 16. And as dumb as a box of rocks, if you ask me, Piglet! The stop for breakfast at Watford Gap and subsequent scenic detour of the interminable roundabouts and dual carriageways notwithstanding, we managed to find the car park, parked up very close to the entrance/exit, went inside, purchased assorted merch and staked out our spot about 30 feet in front of the stage. Result!
It was hot. Very hot. In fact it was the first really hot day of the year, the previous week being wet and cold; standard English summer weather in other words. I’d been having acid flashbacks of my previous visit, all week long. But, no, no complaints about the weather.
Well, maybe it could have been a couple of degrees cooler…
Mark L. Potts
The God of Thunder
10th June 2006
It was hot. Very hot. In fact it was the first really hot day of the year, the previous week being wet and cold; standard English summer weather in other words. I’d been having acid flashbacks of my previous visit, all week long. But, no, no complaints about the weather.
Well, maybe it could have been a couple of degrees cooler…
Mark L. Potts
The God of Thunder
10th June 2006
About the photos...
I'd be lying if I said I thought the photos I took at MKB were all crap. I don't and, as with the Alice Cooper ones, a couple are quite stunning. There's no point in pretending; I know it, you know it; I'm good.
And, I can still fit my head through the door too ;-)
It's a crying shame that my many talents have, thus far, gone unrecognized and unrewarded.
Oh woe! Woe! Woe is me!
And, I can still fit my head through the door too ;-)
It's a crying shame that my many talents have, thus far, gone unrecognized and unrewarded.
Oh woe! Woe! Woe is me!