Saturday 12th March 2005
It really had been a busy couple of weeks. Although I was in the USA, I was actually working on a project that was based in Holland, so I was battling a six hour time differential, which was quite a pain in the arse. By the time I started work in the morning, the Dutchmens were almost ready to sod off home. Not a great bit of organisation, really, but sometimes, that's the way the chips fall and you have to make the best of the situation and quit your griping. Well, I reserve the right to gripe and bitch, actually, but you know what I mean; the job has to get done.
By Saturday, I had come over all Squire Haggard and figured a short blast along US 202 to Lancaster County and Amish country was just what the doctor ordered. I could not possibly pass up the opportunity to poke a religious minority!
By Saturday, I had come over all Squire Haggard and figured a short blast along US 202 to Lancaster County and Amish country was just what the doctor ordered. I could not possibly pass up the opportunity to poke a religious minority!
Amish Country
Now, let’s take this opportunity to dispel a myth or two. Firstly, the Amish are not of Dutch ancestry at all. The term ‘Pennsylvania Dutch’ is a corruption of ‘Deutsch’, meaning German, which also happens to be inaccurate! The Amish are actually descendants of a Swiss Anabaptist order. So there.
It is true that they do not have electricity, or internal combustion engines, but all things are relative. Amongst the Amish, there is an Old (strict) order and a New (less strict) order. The former eschew any modern conveniences, favour metal wheels on their buggies and live according to the Bible. The latter does permit some modern bits and pieces, relaxing their laws to permit rubber tyres and cell phones, for example. Whilst, they are not permitted to posses motor vehicles, that does not mean to say they cannot travel in cars, or allow modern farm equipment to be utilised on their farms, if it is a need, rather than a desire. It is also true that they are a little tetchy on the whole taking photographs business, considering it a graven image. I guess that had digital cameras been mentioned in the Bible, they would look on the matter a little differently, but you do feel bound to honour their wishes. I felt this last time I came here and, actually still do, hence the distinct lack of pics.
Not all Amish are exclusively farmers either. More and more, especially post-Witness (the Harrison Ford movie from 20 years ago) the Amish have actually diversified and many now make a successful living making furniture, exporting their goods all over the world, in spite of not having websites to market their wares. So, that just goes to prove that we could all exist quite nicely without our broadband connections and world wide web, as we did just a few years ago.
It is true that they do not have electricity, or internal combustion engines, but all things are relative. Amongst the Amish, there is an Old (strict) order and a New (less strict) order. The former eschew any modern conveniences, favour metal wheels on their buggies and live according to the Bible. The latter does permit some modern bits and pieces, relaxing their laws to permit rubber tyres and cell phones, for example. Whilst, they are not permitted to posses motor vehicles, that does not mean to say they cannot travel in cars, or allow modern farm equipment to be utilised on their farms, if it is a need, rather than a desire. It is also true that they are a little tetchy on the whole taking photographs business, considering it a graven image. I guess that had digital cameras been mentioned in the Bible, they would look on the matter a little differently, but you do feel bound to honour their wishes. I felt this last time I came here and, actually still do, hence the distinct lack of pics.
Not all Amish are exclusively farmers either. More and more, especially post-Witness (the Harrison Ford movie from 20 years ago) the Amish have actually diversified and many now make a successful living making furniture, exporting their goods all over the world, in spite of not having websites to market their wares. So, that just goes to prove that we could all exist quite nicely without our broadband connections and world wide web, as we did just a few years ago.
Anyhoo, the eastern Pennsylvania Amish country is a relatively small area, of around 20 square miles, centred around the city of Lancaster. To be quite honest, it’s a little scary. On the one hand, you have the roads packed with these huge American vehicles that the marketing people insist are cars, but which actually have more in common with your average Apatosaurus then, on the other paw, you have the tiny, antiquated, ash-frame buggies of the Amish, which posses none of the modern automotive safety features that we routinely mortgage our souls for. In a collision with a Sinclair C5 they would fare about as well as a pensioner with a Zimmer frame. Really, whilst these horse-drawn vehicles are a perfect piece of design for their intended purpose, they offer as much protection as a BLT in an altercation with a modern-day gas-guzzler.
Bible Belt
It’s quite weird, but the whole feeling in this part of Pennsylvania is one of rural idyll; there is an awful lot of farmland as far as the eye can see and little industrialisation. It’s all very tranquil, old-fashioned, and quite quaint, especially when you look down from the dizzy heights of your SUV onto a little buggy trundling along the road at little more than foot speed. It’s actually a little like venturing into Norfolk in the UK. The difference is that here, there is an undeniable charm, strong faith and a commitment to beliefs, which you may not understand or agree with, but you have to respect their determination to follow their chosen way of life. Then again, they do have a Bible Outlet store at the local strip mall… Norfolk, by comparison, is merely a remedial backwater populated by the cretinous offspring resultant of generations of inbreeding and sexual relations with farm animals. Sometimes, I even amaze myself how I manage to draw seemingly unrelated things into the text of my vituperative jibes. But, I hate Norfolk, so all’s fair in love and attacking that arse cheek of England, that I lovingly term the Devil’s County.
Creepiness
You want to hear something really creepy about Amish country? Both times I have ventured out here, the batteries of my camera (different digital models, different batteries) have been out of juice when I have furtively tried to take a picture of an Amish buggy. Now, doesn’t that make the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end, just a tad? Of course, it could also have something to do with the fact that my UK battery charger just doesn’t function of this US voltage electricity. But, I always prefer to go for the supernatural explanation.
Jennie's Diner
After a brief drive around Lancaster county, and a short excursion into a strip mall to find somewhere to buy a US charger for my rechargeables (unsuccessfully, as it happens) I spotted Jennie’s Diner, and elected to sample the comestibles. What can I say? The food was simple; I had a bacon cheeseburger and it was fast, and excellent. Coffee was good and always topped up. You can’t beat your everyday diner IMNSOHO. Damn straight, dude.
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