Normally, I would not post my personal, private business on the interweb, especially when it shows me in a less than erudite, eloquent frame of mind. However, dealing with utility companies, telecoms companies and their ilk is such an infuriating experience that, sometimes, even I lose it.
Interestingly, if you address them as cretins, morons, retards or, educationally subnormal, the emails go through. If you call them Tossers! it gets filtered out and you get a patronising response telling you how naughty you are. Well, to them, I say this: try phoning me again and you'll learn some words I will guarantee you will need a dictionary and a copy of the Kama Sutra to understand fully.
Anyway, the whole point of my contacting O2 (for this particular complaint, my third)) was twofold:
The messages are presented as they were sent/received. All I have done is to reformat them for this rant and to take out any personal data. I have left the names of the O2 contacts as I doubt they are their real names.
So, read on and be amazed. Remember, unemployment is high in the UK, yet these people actually have jobs...
Interestingly, if you address them as cretins, morons, retards or, educationally subnormal, the emails go through. If you call them Tossers! it gets filtered out and you get a patronising response telling you how naughty you are. Well, to them, I say this: try phoning me again and you'll learn some words I will guarantee you will need a dictionary and a copy of the Kama Sutra to understand fully.
Anyway, the whole point of my contacting O2 (for this particular complaint, my third)) was twofold:
- to point out that their engineer was late and that I would not be happy with them billing me
- to get them to correct my name on my account - this has been ongoing for the last year.
The messages are presented as they were sent/received. All I have done is to reformat them for this rant and to take out any personal data. I have left the names of the O2 contacts as I doubt they are their real names.
So, read on and be amazed. Remember, unemployment is high in the UK, yet these people actually have jobs...
10th July 2012 - Initial communication from me was on the 'Contact Us' form, on the O2 website...
Original Message Follows:
------------------------
Form Message
msg_firstname:
Mark
msg_lastname:
Potts
Email Address:
marklpotts@googlemail.com
msg_alt_contact_number:
07753nnnnnnn
usertype:
HomeBroadband
userseg:
null
msg_username:
marklydon_potts
msg_BT_landline_no:
nnnnnnnnnnnnn
msg_query_type:
1
Subject:
O2 Home Broadband - Confirmation of Direct Debit Set Up
Message Body:
This is not a query. I have two issues.
Firstly, I have asked several times and still you have not done it. My name is Mark Lyndon Potts NOT marklydon potts. Change it, please!
Secondly, if you charge me for the visit by the engineer, on Monday 9th July, I will bill you for the waste of my time. You had 5 weeks to make a 5 hour window and still, the engineer was 2 hours late. If that was a pizza, it would have been free. If I had been out, you would have billed me for the visit and then for a re-visit. So, as a Training Designer, my time is charged at £25 per hour and I wasted five hours waiting in. I registered a complaint on 9th July at around 13.35 to say that the engineer had not arrived, as arranged. I am not interested in apologies or excuses. That you have to use a pool of BT engineers is not my problem. BT is your subcontractor, not mine. My contract is with O2.
Mark L. Potts
Original Message Follows:
------------------------
Form Message
msg_firstname:
Mark
msg_lastname:
Potts
Email Address:
marklpotts@googlemail.com
msg_alt_contact_number:
07753nnnnnnn
usertype:
HomeBroadband
userseg:
null
msg_username:
marklydon_potts
msg_BT_landline_no:
nnnnnnnnnnnnn
msg_query_type:
1
Subject:
O2 Home Broadband - Confirmation of Direct Debit Set Up
Message Body:
This is not a query. I have two issues.
Firstly, I have asked several times and still you have not done it. My name is Mark Lyndon Potts NOT marklydon potts. Change it, please!
Secondly, if you charge me for the visit by the engineer, on Monday 9th July, I will bill you for the waste of my time. You had 5 weeks to make a 5 hour window and still, the engineer was 2 hours late. If that was a pizza, it would have been free. If I had been out, you would have billed me for the visit and then for a re-visit. So, as a Training Designer, my time is charged at £25 per hour and I wasted five hours waiting in. I registered a complaint on 9th July at around 13.35 to say that the engineer had not arrived, as arranged. I am not interested in apologies or excuses. That you have to use a pool of BT engineers is not my problem. BT is your subcontractor, not mine. My contract is with O2.
Mark L. Potts
On 11 July 2012 17:32, O2 Broadband <customer.service@o2broadband.co.uk>
wrote:
Hi Mark
I'm sorry for the trouble caused.
I see that the name on your account is Mark Potts. If you still wish to change it, please call our customer service team on 0800 380 0202 . It's a free call from landlines and O2 mobiles. Remember to drop the first zero if you're calling from a mobile phone. We'll be happy to resolve your query. They're available from Monday - Friday 08:00 - 21:00, Saturday & Sunday 09:00 - 17:00.
As you said, the engineer visited you two hours late, please call on the above mention number so that they will check the appointment details and will compensate accordingly.
I hope this helps.
Regards
Saba
O2 Home Phone and Broadband Customer Service Team
www.o2.co.uk/broadband
You may get a text within the next 48 hours. It's be great if you could answer a few quick questions on your email experience with us, so we can gather some feedback. We're always looking at ways we can improve so you get the best customer service.
wrote:
Hi Mark
I'm sorry for the trouble caused.
I see that the name on your account is Mark Potts. If you still wish to change it, please call our customer service team on 0800 380 0202 . It's a free call from landlines and O2 mobiles. Remember to drop the first zero if you're calling from a mobile phone. We'll be happy to resolve your query. They're available from Monday - Friday 08:00 - 21:00, Saturday & Sunday 09:00 - 17:00.
As you said, the engineer visited you two hours late, please call on the above mention number so that they will check the appointment details and will compensate accordingly.
I hope this helps.
Regards
Saba
O2 Home Phone and Broadband Customer Service Team
www.o2.co.uk/broadband
You may get a text within the next 48 hours. It's be great if you could answer a few quick questions on your email experience with us, so we can gather some feedback. We're always looking at ways we can improve so you get the best customer service.
Original Message Follows:
------------------------
Shame your 3G network isn't working, isn't it?
Not very impressive.
I have been with 02 for over a year and in the last 5 weeks you have given me nothing but cause for complaint.
Furthermore, why should I waste more of my time phoning your idiot call centre operatives? I have stated my case.
Put it in writing so that I have it when the time comes to take you to court.
Yours,
Mark L. Potts
------------------------
Shame your 3G network isn't working, isn't it?
Not very impressive.
I have been with 02 for over a year and in the last 5 weeks you have given me nothing but cause for complaint.
Furthermore, why should I waste more of my time phoning your idiot call centre operatives? I have stated my case.
Put it in writing so that I have it when the time comes to take you to court.
Yours,
Mark L. Potts
On 12 July 2012 17:29, O2 Broadband <customer.service@o2broadband.co.uk>
wrote:
Hi Mark
I'm sorry that you had to write to us again about this issue.
To change your account name we need to see proof of your name change such as a marriage certificate, deed poll certificate etc. Please print and complete the attached form. Here's the link:
http://www.o2.co.uk/assets2/Kana/doc/name_of_change.doc
Once completed, you can email a scanned copy of the form and certificate to BusinessTOO@o2.com or send the completed form and a photocopy of your certificate to:
Correspondence Management Team
PO Box 202,Houghton Regis
LU6 9AG
Alternatively you can fax it to 0870 600 2402.
Your details will be updated within 5 working days after your documentation is received and you'll be contacted to confirm this has been done.
I hope this helps.
Regards
George
O2 Home Phone and Broadband Customer Service Team
www.o2.co.uk/broadband
You may get a text within the next 48 hours. It's be great if you could answer a few quick questions on your email experience with us, so we can gather some feedback. We're always looking at ways we can improve so you get the best customer service.
wrote:
Hi Mark
I'm sorry that you had to write to us again about this issue.
To change your account name we need to see proof of your name change such as a marriage certificate, deed poll certificate etc. Please print and complete the attached form. Here's the link:
http://www.o2.co.uk/assets2/Kana/doc/name_of_change.doc
Once completed, you can email a scanned copy of the form and certificate to BusinessTOO@o2.com or send the completed form and a photocopy of your certificate to:
Correspondence Management Team
PO Box 202,Houghton Regis
LU6 9AG
Alternatively you can fax it to 0870 600 2402.
Your details will be updated within 5 working days after your documentation is received and you'll be contacted to confirm this has been done.
I hope this helps.
Regards
George
O2 Home Phone and Broadband Customer Service Team
www.o2.co.uk/broadband
You may get a text within the next 48 hours. It's be great if you could answer a few quick questions on your email experience with us, so we can gather some feedback. We're always looking at ways we can improve so you get the best customer service.
Original Message Follows: ------------------------ What name change?
You moron!
YOU GOT MY NAME WRONG WHEN I REGISTERED!
FIX IT!
My name is Mark Lyndon Potts and has been for the last 49 years, since I was born, in fact.
I have never, ever been called marklydon apart from by you incompetent fools!
Correct your error!
Otherwise, technically, we have no contract and I am under no obligation to pay you.
I have asked nicely, now either put my name right or cancel my account.
Is being a cretin a criterion for working in Telecoms?
The next communication from O2 will either be an apology and a confirmation that you have changed the name on my account TO MY ACTUAL NAME or, it will be to confirm that we no longer have any business to conduct, either mobile phone, broadband or, anything else.
Thinking of you? How? Which one of you has the brain cell?
Oh, don't bother telling me you dislike my attitude. Ask yourself if you would be angry that someone had constantly called you by the wrong name for the last year? As for your text messages on my feelings about how O2 dealt with my complaint... I think you should have a fair idea by now.
Idiots!
You moron!
YOU GOT MY NAME WRONG WHEN I REGISTERED!
FIX IT!
My name is Mark Lyndon Potts and has been for the last 49 years, since I was born, in fact.
I have never, ever been called marklydon apart from by you incompetent fools!
Correct your error!
Otherwise, technically, we have no contract and I am under no obligation to pay you.
I have asked nicely, now either put my name right or cancel my account.
Is being a cretin a criterion for working in Telecoms?
The next communication from O2 will either be an apology and a confirmation that you have changed the name on my account TO MY ACTUAL NAME or, it will be to confirm that we no longer have any business to conduct, either mobile phone, broadband or, anything else.
Thinking of you? How? Which one of you has the brain cell?
Oh, don't bother telling me you dislike my attitude. Ask yourself if you would be angry that someone had constantly called you by the wrong name for the last year? As for your text messages on my feelings about how O2 dealt with my complaint... I think you should have a fair idea by now.
Idiots!
On 13 July 2012 13:10, O2 Broadband
<customer.service@o2broadband.co.uk>
wrote:
Hi Mark
I'm sorry for the trouble cause to you.
I've checked and see that your name is already changed to Mark Potts on your account.
I hope this helps.
Regards
Abdul
O2 Home Phone and Broadband Customer Service Team
www.o2.co.uk/broadband
You may get a text within the next 48 hours. It's be great if you could answer a few quick questions on your email experience with us, so we can gather some feedback. We're always looking at ways we can improve so you get the best customer service.
<customer.service@o2broadband.co.uk>
wrote:
Hi Mark
I'm sorry for the trouble cause to you.
I've checked and see that your name is already changed to Mark Potts on your account.
I hope this helps.
Regards
Abdul
O2 Home Phone and Broadband Customer Service Team
www.o2.co.uk/broadband
You may get a text within the next 48 hours. It's be great if you could answer a few quick questions on your email experience with us, so we can gather some feedback. We're always looking at ways we can improve so you get the best customer service.
Original Message Follows: ------------------------
Are you all retarded?
Mark and Potts were the only bits you already had right.
Confirm that you have changed the name on my account to:
MARK LYNDON POTTS
This is the last chance you have. If you cannot confirm this simple fact, then I am no longer a customer of O2 and I shall write my third letter to Ronan Donne and tell him what absolute morons he employs.
This is what? 6 emails to get you to change my name to my actual name...
It isn't rocket science.
Thinking of you? Highly unlikely.
Are you all retarded?
Mark and Potts were the only bits you already had right.
Confirm that you have changed the name on my account to:
MARK LYNDON POTTS
This is the last chance you have. If you cannot confirm this simple fact, then I am no longer a customer of O2 and I shall write my third letter to Ronan Donne and tell him what absolute morons he employs.
This is what? 6 emails to get you to change my name to my actual name...
It isn't rocket science.
Thinking of you? Highly unlikely.
On 14 July 2012 19:39, O2 Broadband <customer.service@o2broadband.co.uk>
wrote:
Hi Mark
Thanks for emailing us.
Your account is registered with the name Mark Potts. If you still wish to make any changes on the name then please call us on 0800 230 0202 and we'll help you with your query. It's a free call from landlines and O2 mobiles. Remember to drop the first zero if you're calling from a mobile phone.
I hope this helps.
Regards
Kushal
O2 Home Phone and Broadband Customer Service Team
www.o2.co.uk/broadband
wrote:
Hi Mark
Thanks for emailing us.
Your account is registered with the name Mark Potts. If you still wish to make any changes on the name then please call us on 0800 230 0202 and we'll help you with your query. It's a free call from landlines and O2 mobiles. Remember to drop the first zero if you're calling from a mobile phone.
I hope this helps.
Regards
Kushal
O2 Home Phone and Broadband Customer Service Team
www.o2.co.uk/broadband
Original Message Follows:
------------------------
Hi kushal,
You, kushal, are either incompetent or, a moron or, a liar.
Why do I say this?
I say this, kushal, because in addition to your email, I received a second email from O2 containing the following greeting:
Hello Mr Mark lyndon Potts Your O2 bill for 15/07/12 is now ready. You can look at your bill here.
See, kushal. O2 addresses me as Mark lyndon Potts. How would you feel if I always spelled your name in lower case? It is disrespectful and insulting.
Now, I do not want to phone one of you idiots, as you are incapable of doing anything and I fail to see why I should waste my time for such a reasonable and simple request.
SO CHANGE MY NAME OR DELETE MY ACCOUNT COMPLETELY!
Cretin!
------------------------
Hi kushal,
You, kushal, are either incompetent or, a moron or, a liar.
Why do I say this?
I say this, kushal, because in addition to your email, I received a second email from O2 containing the following greeting:
Hello Mr Mark lyndon Potts Your O2 bill for 15/07/12 is now ready. You can look at your bill here.
See, kushal. O2 addresses me as Mark lyndon Potts. How would you feel if I always spelled your name in lower case? It is disrespectful and insulting.
Now, I do not want to phone one of you idiots, as you are incapable of doing anything and I fail to see why I should waste my time for such a reasonable and simple request.
SO CHANGE MY NAME OR DELETE MY ACCOUNT COMPLETELY!
Cretin!
On 17 July 2012 21:26, O2 Broadband <customer.service@o2broadband.co.uk> wrote:
Hi Kushal
I'm sorry that you had to write to us again about this issue.
I once again confirm that the name in the broadband account is Mark Potts. I've also seen all the email notifications that you've received is addressed as Hello Mark. Your current bill is £68.35 and due on 1 August 2012. The email that you've received should be your mobile phone ( 07753nnnnnn ) bill.
I've forwarded and informed the concerned team and corrected the name to Mr Mark Lyndon Potts.
I hope this helps.
Regards
George
O2 Home Phone and Broadband Customer Service Team
www.o2.co.uk/broadband
You may get a text within the next 48 hours. It's be great if you could
answer a few quick questions on your email experience with us, so we can
gather some feedback. We're always looking at ways we can improve so you
get the best customer service.
Hi Kushal
I'm sorry that you had to write to us again about this issue.
I once again confirm that the name in the broadband account is Mark Potts. I've also seen all the email notifications that you've received is addressed as Hello Mark. Your current bill is £68.35 and due on 1 August 2012. The email that you've received should be your mobile phone ( 07753nnnnnn ) bill.
I've forwarded and informed the concerned team and corrected the name to Mr Mark Lyndon Potts.
I hope this helps.
Regards
George
O2 Home Phone and Broadband Customer Service Team
www.o2.co.uk/broadband
You may get a text within the next 48 hours. It's be great if you could
answer a few quick questions on your email experience with us, so we can
gather some feedback. We're always looking at ways we can improve so you
get the best customer service.
On 18 July 2012 09:51, Mark Potts <marklpotts@googlemail.com> wrote:
George, george, george, george, george, george!
So why have you addressed the [above] email:
Hi Kushal
You are really totally, utterly incompetent morons.
It's fine. The more you guys screw up, the less I'll be paying.
Don't ever contact me again.
George, george, george, george, george, george!
So why have you addressed the [above] email:
Hi Kushal
You are really totally, utterly incompetent morons.
It's fine. The more you guys screw up, the less I'll be paying.
Don't ever contact me again.
O2 Broadband customer.service@o2broadband.co.uk 18 Jul (1 day ago)
Hello Mr Mark
Thanks for getting back to us.
I'm sorry for addressing you as Kushal. I've checked and confirm that
your name is now corrected to Mr Mark Lyndon Potts.
I hope this helps.
Regards
George
O2 Home Phone and Broadband Customer Service Team
www.o2.co.uk/broadband
You may get a text within the next 48 hours. It's be great if you could
answer a few quick questions on your email experience with us, so we can
gather some feedback. We're always looking at ways we can improve so you
get the best customer service.
Hello Mr Mark
Thanks for getting back to us.
I'm sorry for addressing you as Kushal. I've checked and confirm that
your name is now corrected to Mr Mark Lyndon Potts.
I hope this helps.
Regards
George
O2 Home Phone and Broadband Customer Service Team
www.o2.co.uk/broadband
You may get a text within the next 48 hours. It's be great if you could
answer a few quick questions on your email experience with us, so we can
gather some feedback. We're always looking at ways we can improve so you
get the best customer service.
Notice that this was sent to marklydon_potts after george had assured me that it had been changed...
O2 Broadband customer.service@o2broadband.co.uk 19 July 2012 11:19 wrote:
Really george?
Then why was the email from O2, which I received at 11.18 yesterday, sent to marklydon_potts.
Quite clearly, it hasn't been sorted everywhere.
You are all morons.
Really george?
Then why was the email from O2, which I received at 11.18 yesterday, sent to marklydon_potts.
Quite clearly, it hasn't been sorted everywhere.
You are all morons.
O2 Broadband customer.service@o2broadband.co.uk 19 July 15:27 wrote:
Hello Mr Mark
Thanks for your email.
I've checked and see that the email address marklydon_potts@o2.co.uk is
registered as the primary email address on your account. I'm sorry but,
we can't remove this email address. You'll receive all emails on this
email address. We can only change the contact email address on your
account.
I hope this helps.
Regards
Russell
O2 Home Phone and Broadband Customer Service Team
www.o2.co.uk/broadband
Hello Mr Mark
Thanks for your email.
I've checked and see that the email address marklydon_potts@o2.co.uk is
registered as the primary email address on your account. I'm sorry but,
we can't remove this email address. You'll receive all emails on this
email address. We can only change the contact email address on your
account.
I hope this helps.
Regards
Russell
O2 Home Phone and Broadband Customer Service Team
www.o2.co.uk/broadband
Mark Potts 19 July 16:00 to O2 wrote:
O2 made a mistake and created an email address that IS WRONG!
It could be changed, Rusel, could't it. All that has to be done is to create an email address that is correct then, delete the wrong one.
You make me want to puke blood, you really do.
O2 made a mistake and created an email address that IS WRONG!
It could be changed, Rusel, could't it. All that has to be done is to create an email address that is correct then, delete the wrong one.
You make me want to puke blood, you really do.
O2 Broadband customer.service@o2broadband.co.uk 20 July 11:56 wrote:
Hello Mr Mark
I'm sorry for the trouble caused to you.
As informed to you in previous email we can't change your primary email
address. If you want to discuss about this please call our customer
service team on 0800 230 0202 from Monday - Friday 08:00 - 21:00,
Saturday 08:00 - 20:00 and Sunday 08:00 - 18:00. It's a free call from
landline and O2 mobiles. Remember to drop the first zero if you're
calling from a mobile phone.
I hope this helps.
Regards
Abdul
O2 Home Phone and Broadband Customer Service Team
www.o2.co.uk/broadband
Hello Mr Mark
I'm sorry for the trouble caused to you.
As informed to you in previous email we can't change your primary email
address. If you want to discuss about this please call our customer
service team on 0800 230 0202 from Monday - Friday 08:00 - 21:00,
Saturday 08:00 - 20:00 and Sunday 08:00 - 18:00. It's a free call from
landline and O2 mobiles. Remember to drop the first zero if you're
calling from a mobile phone.
I hope this helps.
Regards
Abdul
O2 Home Phone and Broadband Customer Service Team
www.o2.co.uk/broadband
Mark Potts 20 July 12:16 wrote:
to O2
Look here, abdu, sabu, georg, whatever the hell your name might be today,
Stop being a moron.
I have worked in IT for 25 years and you can change a primary email address. So, either do it, go and find some little geek who can or, run and tell Ronan Dunne that you are an incompetent moron.
I do not want to hear anything more from you illiterate idiots.
The next time I communicate with O2 it will be my third letter of complaint to your CEO. I already have an apology, a credit to my account and an assurance that someone will have their ass kicked. I can collect such letters all day long and the more you annoy me and screw up, the less my broadband costs me.
I appreciate that you are not paid to take this kind of thing so, go away and find someone who is. When I complain, I will attach this email thread and from the thread, each one of you contributors to this pathetic tale will be identified for a good slapping.
OK?
Now, run along before I really lose my temper.
to O2
Look here, abdu, sabu, georg, whatever the hell your name might be today,
Stop being a moron.
I have worked in IT for 25 years and you can change a primary email address. So, either do it, go and find some little geek who can or, run and tell Ronan Dunne that you are an incompetent moron.
I do not want to hear anything more from you illiterate idiots.
The next time I communicate with O2 it will be my third letter of complaint to your CEO. I already have an apology, a credit to my account and an assurance that someone will have their ass kicked. I can collect such letters all day long and the more you annoy me and screw up, the less my broadband costs me.
I appreciate that you are not paid to take this kind of thing so, go away and find someone who is. When I complain, I will attach this email thread and from the thread, each one of you contributors to this pathetic tale will be identified for a good slapping.
OK?
Now, run along before I really lose my temper.
*********************************************************************************
Dear O2 Customer, Please note that this is an unmonitored email account and we will not be able to respond to your query. If you have a query about your service please visit www.o2.co.uk/help or email us at mailto:mycare@o2mail.co.uk where it will receive our attention.
Regards, O2 Customer Care
This communication is from Telefonica UK Limited. Registered office: 260 Bath Road, Slough SL1 4DX. Registered in England and Wales: 1743099. VAT number: GB 778 6037
*********************************************************************************
Dear O2 Customer, Please note that this is an unmonitored email account and we will not be able to respond to your query. If you have a query about your service please visit www.o2.co.uk/help or email us at mailto:mycare@o2mail.co.uk where it will receive our attention.
Regards, O2 Customer Care
This communication is from Telefonica UK Limited. Registered office: 260 Bath Road, Slough SL1 4DX. Registered in England and Wales: 1743099. VAT number: GB 778 6037
*********************************************************************************
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