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  • Stuff
    • Interesting Stuff >
      • Americana >
        • The Sierra Nevadas
        • The Brooklyn Bridge
        • The Empire State Building
        • Lost Angeles
        • Hollywood Boulevard
        • Jim Thorpe
        • The Alamo
        • The Basketball Museum
        • Sunset
        • Boston Skyline
      • Europeana >
        • Brimham Rocks
        • Liverpool - L7 4LB
        • Liverpool - Tobacco Warehouse
        • Kirkstall Abbey
        • Ilkley Moor
        • Classic Cars and Beartown Radio
        • Bjorn the Polar Bear
        • Dachau
        • Munich Olympiapark - Olympiaturm
        • Munich - BMW Welt
        • Neuschwanstein
        • Munich - Oktoberfest >
          • Shlocktoberfest
          • Fear and Loathing in München
          • When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro
        • Munich - Christkindlmarkt 2009
        • Dali
        • Tutanchamun - Munich
        • Tutanchamun - Manchester
    • Walkabouts >
      • Nude Dudes In The Sand
      • Harrogate Walkabout
      • Liverpool Walkabout Sefton Park
      • Leeds Walkabout
      • Blackpool Deco
      • Fenton Town Hall
      • Stoke Minster
      • Beauty and Bursley >
        • The Wedgwood Institute
        • The School of Art
        • Town Hall Tales
        • The Leopard
        • Desolation Boulevard
      • Asbury Park
      • New York Rideabout >
        • New York Rideabout I
        • New York Rideabout II
        • New York Rideabout III
      • Reno
      • San Francisco
      • Atlantic City
      • The OC
      • Philadelphia
      • First Boston Walkabout >
        • First Boston Walkabout - Copley Plaza
        • First Boston Walkabout - Boylston and Boston Common
        • First Boston Walkabout - Downtown Boston
        • First Boston Walkabout - Charlestown Naval Yard >
          • USS Constitution
          • USS Cassin Young
        • First Boston Walkabout - Beacon Hill
      • Final Boston Walkabout
      • Blackpool (Post Apocalypse)
      • Liverpool
      • Manchester - Brief Walkabout
      • Glasgow
      • First Munich Walkabout
      • Munich Faschingsdienstag Walkabout
      • Second Munich Walkabout
      • Munich Walkabout with Firstborn & Lizzie I
      • Munich Walkabout with Firstborn & Lizzie II
      • Munich Walkabout with Pan 'n' Chris
      • Copenhagen
      • Passau
      • Oss
      • First Basel Walkabout
      • Second Basel Walkabout
    • Old Stuff
    • Random Stuff >
      • The Garden of Unearthly Delights I
      • The Garden of Unearthly Delights II
      • The Garden of Unearthly Delights III: Christmas Special
    • Weird Stuff >
      • Top Ten Plagues
      • Top Ten Gangsters
      • Top Ten Ways To Kill Someone
      • Top Ten Hairstyles For The Follicly-Challenged
      • Top Ten Stars on Hollywood Boulevard Walk of Fame
  • Gigs
    • 2017 Gigs >
      • Iron Maiden - Leeds
      • Norman Beaker Band - Blackpool
      • Ian Hunter - Liverpool
      • Cheap Trick - Manchester
    • 2016 Gigs >
      • Congleton Unplugged 2016 >
        • Congleton Unplugged 2016 - Saturday
        • Congleton Unplugged 2016 - Sunday
    • 2014 Gigs >
      • Congleton Jazz and Blues Festival 2014 >
        • Congleton Jazz and Blues Festival 2014 - Saturday
        • Congleton Jazz and Blues Festival 2014 - Sunday
      • Dirty Dozen - Congleton
      • Chantel McGregor - Wolverhampton
      • Chris Bevington & Friends - Wolverhampton
      • Sweet Winn Dixie - Congleton
      • Congleton Unplugged 2014 >
        • Congleton Unplugged 2014 - Friday
        • Congleton Unplugged 2014 - Saturday
        • Congleton Unplugged 2014 - Sunday
      • The Fire Beneath The Sea - Blackpool
    • 2013 Gigs >
      • BearTown Radio 1st Birthday Bash 2013
      • Congleton Jazz and Blues Festival 2013 >
        • Congleton Jazz and Blues Festival 2013 - Friday
        • Congleton Jazz and Blues Festival 2013 - Saturday
        • Congleton Jazz and Blues Festival 2013 - Sunday
      • Parklive 2013 >
        • Parklive 2013 - Friday Marquee
        • Parklive 2013 - Saturday Park
        • Parklive 2013 - Saturday Marquee
      • No Strings Attached - Congleton >
        • NSA: Adam French
      • The Dirty Dozen - Congleton >
        • TDD: The Fire Beneath The Sea - Congleton
      • Maschine - Congleton
      • Congleton Unplugged 2013 >
        • CU 2013: Sweet Winn Dixie
        • CU 2013: John Ainsworth
        • CU 2013: Jim Kirkpatrick
        • CU 2013: Phil Maddocks
        • CU 2013: The Robin Pierce Band
    • 2012 Gigs >
      • The Post Apocalypse Party 2012
      • Congleton Jazz and Blues Festival 2012 >
        • CJ&BF: Steve Hayes and Les Hunt
        • CJ&BF: The Beartown Stompers
        • CJ&BF: The Robin Pierce Band
        • CJ&BF: Phil Maddocks
        • CJ&BF: The Hexmen
      • The Rittz and Friends Festival - Congleton >
        • TRAFF: Thomas Twemlow
        • TRAFF: Amy Condrey
        • TRAFF: Phil Maddocks & Nick Bayes
        • TRAFF: Faux Feet
        • TRAFF: John Ainsworth
        • TRAFF: Dirty Green Vinyl
        • TRAFF: Luke Gray & Danny Wilde
        • TRAFF: Hoodie Ledbetter
        • TRAFF: Kill The Young
        • TRAFF: The Rittz
      • The Dirty Dozen - Congleton >
        • TDD: Thought Glands
        • TDD: Fieldhouse
    • 2011 Gigs >
      • Fun House (November) - Congleton
      • Demon - Kingsley Holt
      • Fun House (August) - Congleton
      • Fun House (July) - Congleton
      • Johnnie Walker - Bradford
      • Fieldhouse - Liverpool
      • Kush - Liverpool
    • 2010 Gigs >
      • Wolfmother - Munich
      • Dave Matthews Band - Munich
      • Chris Rea - Munich
      • Dave Matthews Band - Manchester
      • Joe Perry Project - Sheffield
      • Bad Company - Sheffield
      • The Mayhem Effect - Congleton
      • Demon - Leek Arts Festival
      • Mark Knopfler - Munich
    • 2009 Gigs >
      • Sweden Rock Festival >
        • About SRF 2009
        • SRF: The Tubes
        • SRF: ZZ Top
        • SRF: Over the Rainbow
        • SRF: Marillion
        • SRF: Demon
        • SRF: Johnny Winter
        • SRF: Motörhead
        • SRF: Riot
        • SRF: Blackfoot
        • SRF: Journey
        • SRF: Goda Grannar
      • Keep It True
      • Y&T - Munich
      • Foreigner - Munich
      • Bruce Springsteen - Munich
      • Eric Burdon - Munich
      • Gary Moore - Munich
      • Demon - Dudley
      • Hamburg Blues Band - Munich
      • Mott the Hoople - Hammersmith
      • Night at the Flamingo - Blackpool
      • Magnum - Munich
      • Pavlov's Dog - Munich
      • Uriah Heep - Munich
      • Ace Frehley - Munich
    • 2007 Gigs >
      • Little Barrie - Manchester II
      • Demon - Wolverhampton III
      • Diamond Head - Wolverhampton V
      • Demon - Antwerp
      • Demon - Nottingham
    • 2006 Gigs >
      • Helloween - Bradford
      • Yellowcard - Manchester
      • Robin Trower - Manchester
      • Dave Matthews - Manchester
      • Mountain - Manchester
      • Danko Jones - Manchester
      • Monsters of Rock 2006 >
        • About Monsters of Rock 2006
        • Monsters of Rock 2006: Roadstar
        • Monsters of Rock 2006: Ted Nugent
        • Monsters of Rock 2006: Queensryche
        • Monsters of Rock 2006: Thunder
        • Monsters of Rock 2006: Journey
        • Monsters of Rock 2006: Alice Cooper
        • Monsters of Rock 2006: Deep Purple
      • Journey - Manchester
      • Demon - Sheffield
      • Bob Catley - Sheffield
      • Demon - Cheltenham
      • Bob Catley - Leek WM
      • Demon - Leek WM
      • Little Barrie - Manchester I
      • Wolfmother - Manchester
      • UFO - Manchester
      • Demon - Crewe III
      • Demon - Nuneaton
      • Iron Maiden - Sheffield
    • 2005 Gigs >
      • Velvet Revolver - Manchester
      • Megadeth - Manchester
      • Diamond Head - Manchester
      • Fozzy - Manchester
      • Wishbone Ash - Blawnox PA
      • The Midnight Creeps - Providence RI
      • Danko Jones - Cambridge MA
      • Demon - Leek II B
      • Demon - Birkenhead
      • Donington 2005 >
        • About Donington 2005
        • Donington 2005: Fozzy
        • Donington 2005: Megadeth
        • Donington 2005: Billy Idol
        • Donington 2005: HIM
        • Donington 2005: Velvet Revolver
        • Donington 2005: Black Sabbath
        • Donington 2005: Slipknot
        • Donington 2005: The MC5
        • Donington 2005: Motorhead
      • Kings of Leon - Manchester
      • Danko Jones - Philadelphia
      • Sonny Landreth - Ocean City NJ
      • Derek Trucks Band - Ocean City NJ
      • Leeds Festival 2005 >
        • About Leeds Festival 2005
        • Leeds Festival 2005: Funeral For A Friend
        • Leeds Festival 2005: Iggy Pop
        • Leeds Festival 2005: Marilyn Manson
        • Leeds Festival 2005: Iron Maiden
      • Iron Maiden - Hammersmith
      • Diamond Head - Stourbridge
    • 2004 Gigs >
      • Hughes-Turner Project - Dudley II
      • Wishbone Ash - Crewe
      • Donington 2004 - Hoobastank
      • Donington 2004 - Danko Jones
      • Donington 2004 - Metallica
      • UFO - Wolverhampton
      • Marillion - Wolverhampton
      • Marillion - Leeds
      • Nazareth - Manchester
      • Bill Nelson - Manchester
      • Nils Lofgren - Wolverhampton
      • Living Colour - Manchester
      • Rush - Birmingham
    • 2003 Gigs >
      • HITS UK - Bradford
      • Demon - Leek I-A
      • Iron Maiden - Donington
      • HITS UK - Morecambe
      • Blue Öyster Cult - Wolverhampton
      • Alice Cooper - Wolverhampton
      • Rat Dog - Wolverhampton
      • Budgie - Crewe
      • Thunder - Wolverhampton
      • Iron Maiden - Sheffield & Birmingham
    • 2002 Gigs >
      • Chris Farlowe - Crewe
      • Diamond Head - Wrexham
      • Budgie - Wrexham
      • The Blues Brother's Band - Manchester
      • Man - Crewe
      • Mountain - Dudley
      • Stray - Dudley
      • Iron Maiden - Brixton >
        • Iron Maiden - Brixton Academy: Getting there
        • Iron Maiden - Brixton Academy: Getting home
      • Diamond Head - Crewe III
      • Rick Derringer - Crewe
      • Pat Travers - Crewe
      • Ian Hunter - Crewe
      • HITS Blackpool 2002
      • HITS USA 2002 - Saturday
      • HITS USA 2002 - Sunday
      • Diamond Head - Hanley
      • 21st Century Schizoid Band - Crewe
      • Diamond Head - Crewe IV
      • Diamond Head - Ashton
      • Hughes-Turner Project - Dudley I
      • Jefferson Starship - Wolverhampton
      • Budgie - Crewe
      • Monsters of Rock - Manchester >
        • Monsters of Rock - Alice Cooper
        • Monsters of Rock - Thunder
        • Monsters of Rock - The Quireboys
        • Monsters of Rock -Dogs D'Amour
    • 2001 Gigs >
      • Demon - Crewe I
      • Demon - Leek Moorlands
      • Diamond Head - Crewe I
      • Black Crowes - Brixton Academy
      • Demon - Newcastle Oxford
      • Rockshield Festival >
        • Rockshield - Wishbone Ash
        • Rockshield - Girlschool
        • Rockshield - Demon
        • Rockshield - Diamond Head
      • Demon - Crewe II
      • Demon - Leek FC II
      • Pat Travers - Wolverhampton
      • Demon - Macclesfield
      • Diamond Head - Crewe II
      • Demon - Camden I
    • 2000 Gigs >
      • Demon - Wolverhampton I
      • Demon - Telford
      • Demon - Newcastle (Rigger)
      • Demon - Leicester
      • Demon - Leek FC I
      • Demon - Stoke
      • Demon - Wolverhampton II
      • Demon - SOM Rehearsal
    • 20th Century Gigs >
      • 1990s >
        • Man - Swansea 1999
        • Man - London 1999
        • Man - Croydon 1999
        • Man - Stoke 1998
        • Man - Blackpool 1993
      • 1980s >
        • Man - Reading 1983
        • Reading Festival 1983
        • RockPop 1982
        • Rockpalast 1982
        • Alice Cooper - London 1982
        • Reading Festival 1981
        • Diamond Head - Leeds 1981
        • Whitesnake - Bradford 1980
        • Iron Maiden - Leeds 1980
        • Monsters of Rock 1980
      • 1970s >
        • Buzzcocks - Manchester 1978
  • Travels
    • 2015 Travels >
      • Toxteth Walkabout
      • Eclipsage - Toxteth Cemetery
      • Crosby - Another Place
      • Crosby - Sunset
    • 2014 Travels >
      • Brimham Rocks
      • Harrogate
      • Liverpool - Divergence I >
        • Liverpool - Sefton Park
        • Liverpool - L7 4LB
        • Liverpool - Tobacco Warehouse
      • Leeds Walkabout 2014 >
        • Leeds 2014 - Kirkstall Abbey
        • Leeds 2014 - Ilkley Moor
    • 2013 Travels >
      • Fenton Town Hall
      • Stoke Minster
      • Beauty and Bursley >
        • The Wedgwood Institute
        • The School of Art
        • Town Hall Tales
        • The Leopard
        • Desolation Boulevard
      • Blackpool - An Alternative View
    • 2011 Travels >
      • Blackpool (Post Apocalypse)
      • Manchester >
        • Manchester - The Trafford Centre
        • Manchester - Tutanchamun
      • Liverpool
    • 2010 Travels >
      • Faschingsdienstag
      • Manchester - Brief Walkabout
      • Manchester/Glasgow
    • 2009 Travels >
      • What Marky did in The Fatherland >
        • Arrival
        • First Munich Walkabout
        • Faschingsdienstag
        • Second Munich Walkabout
        • Dachau
        • Hannover
        • Olympiapark Sealife Centre
        • Olympiapark Olympiaturm
        • BMW Welt
        • Home from Home
        • Würzburg a Mad Manager and a Demon
        • Tutanchamun
        • Back in the UK
        • Neuschwanstein
        • Copenhagen
        • Passau
        • TiPi Fest
        • Potts and The 'Zard Camera 1
        • Potts and The 'Zard Camera 2
        • Pan 'n' Chris
        • Oktoberfest >
          • Shlocktoberfest
          • Fear and Loathing in München
          • When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro
        • Blackpool
        • The Flaming Gummi Bär Incident
        • Oberammergau
        • Garmisch
        • Christmas 2009: Christkindlmarkt
        • Christmas 2009: Snow
        • Christmas 2009: Absinthe, Drunkenness and Fireworks
    • 2006 Travels
    • 2005 Travels >
      • Basel
      • Philadelphia >
        • The Krispy Kreme Fiasco
        • King of Prussia
        • Snow
        • Atlantic City
        • Sunset
        • Lancaster County
        • The Philadelphia Cheese Steak Debate
        • Food For Thought
        • More Food for Thought
        • Gideons
        • Dali
        • Culture
        • The Basketball Museum
        • Ocean City NJ
      • Boston >
        • The Cheesecake Factory
        • Copley Plaza
        • Boylston and Boston Common
        • Downtown Boston
        • Charlestown Naval Yard >
          • USS Constitution
          • USS Cassin Young
        • Beacon Hill
        • Call Me Spiderman
        • Providence RI
        • Boston Skyline
        • Final Boston Walkabout
        • The Third Time I Nearly Got arrested
      • Oss
    • 2004 Travels >
      • Basel
      • Philadelphia >
        • First Philadelphia Walkabout Pt I >
          • The Franklin Institute
        • First Philadelphia Walkabout Pt II >
          • The Liberty Bell
          • Monopoly
          • USS Olympia & USS Becuna
    • 2003 Travels >
      • US Tour 2003 - Fri 25th Flying In
      • US Tour 2003 - Sat 26th Brooklyn >
        • The Brooklyn Bridge
      • US Tour 2003 - Sat 26th Baltimore
      • US Tour 2003 - Sun 27th New York
      • US Tour 2003 - Mon 28th Oakland
      • US Tour 2003 - Tues 29th Sacramento
      • US Tour 2003 - Wed 30th The Sierra Nevada
      • US Tour 2003 - Wed 30th Reno
      • US Tour 2003 - Wed 30th Reno (Later)
      • US Tour 2003 - Thurs 31st San Francisco >
        • US Tour 2003 - Thurs 31st SF Walkabout
        • US Tour 2003 - Thurs 31st San Francisco (Later)
      • US Tour 2003 - Fri 1st San Francisco to Lost Angeles >
        • US Tour 2003 - Fri 1st Hollywood Blvd
        • US Tour 2003 - Fri 1st Hollywood Blvd - Walk of Fame
      • US Tour 2003 - Fri 1st Lost Angeles (South Gate)
      • US Tour 2003 - Sat 2nd Costa Mesa & The Beach
      • US Tour 2003 - Sat 2nd LA (Corona)
      • US Tour 2003 - Sun 3rd San Diego
      • US Tour 2003 - Mon 4th Phoenix
      • US Tour 2003 - Tues 5th Phoenix to San Antonio
      • US Tour 2003 - Wed 6th San Antonio
      • US Tour 2003 - Thurs 7th Austin
      • US Tour 2003 - Fri 8th Dallas
      • US Tour 2003 - Sat 9th Oklahoma City
      • US Tour 2003 - Sun 10th Flying Back
      • US Tour 2003 - Epilogue
    • 2002 Travels >
      • US Tour 2002 - Fri 30th
      • US Tour 2002 - Thurs 5th >
        • US Tour 2002 - Thurs 5th Union & Clifton
      • US Tour 2002 - Fri 6th Providence RI
      • US Tour 2002 - Sat 7th Union NJ >
        • US Tour 2002 Sat 7th Asbury Park NJ
        • US Tour 2002 - Sat 7th Asbury Park NJ (Later)
      • US Tour 2002 - Sun 8th Asbury Park NJ
      • US Tour 2002 - Mon 9th Union NJ >
        • US Tour 2002 - Mon 9th Long Island NY
      • US Tour 2002 - Tues 10th >
        • US Tour 2002 - Tues 10th NYC
        • US Tour 2002 - Tuesday 10th ESB
        • US Tour 2002 - Tues 10th NYC II
        • US Tour 2002 - Tues 10th- Manhattan and beyond
      • US Tour 2002 - Wed 11th
  • Music
    • Phuxubtelty Review
  • Movies
    • Skyfall Review
  • Books
    • Ted Simon
    • Charley Boorman & Ewan McGregor
    • Mike Carter
    • Robert Fulton Jr
    • Zoltan Sulkowsky
    • Simon Gandolfi
  • Artworks
    • Diamond Head - Acoustic Cuts
    • The Skeptix - Hate and Fear
    • Demon - Child of the Dark Sky
    • Demon . Better The Devil You Know
    • Demon - Time Has Come
    • Demon - Live at Tiffany's
    • Demon - Live in Germany
    • Demon T-Shirts
    • Mjollnir
  • The 39 Steps
  • New Page

Lights!

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When filming the night scenes in the 1923 version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, every available light in Hollywood was used.

Every afternoon, trucks would depart from Universal Studios and make the rounds of the other film studios and rental facilities to collect every light that wasn't being used. As the sun cam up the following morning, the trucks were loaded up again and the lights returned to their respective studios. This exercise was repeated for two months.

The scene in which the gypsies storm Notre Dame to save Esmerelda, even today, still holds the record for using the greatest number of electricians, lights and cable in any single scene in a production. They used 52 sunlight arcs, 21 GE spots, 30 120 Ampere spots, 47 overheads and 259 Winfields, whilst 230 electricians manned seven generators and five miles of cable.

Late-breaking News From Fairyland...

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In the early hours of this morning, a possible drive-by incident took place in Fairyland, involving that jolly good egg, and bon viveur, H. Dumpty Esq. A witness at the scene said, "He was just sitting on the wall, you know, minding his own business, and he just fell off the wall. You know, he just fell to the ground and broke into millions of little pieces. Oh, it was brutal. I mean, there was yolk everywhere. It was sickening. I don't think it was an accident, if you know what I mean!"

By all accounts it was a terrible sight. All the King's Horses and All the King's Men emergency paramedics were on the scene immediately, but there was nothing they could do to put Humpty Dumpty together again. A spokesman for ATKHATKM said, "Ah, he was just totally scrambled by the time we got there. We tried to put him back together again and administered seasoning at the scene. We also gave him an albumen transplant, but it was too late. The sidewalk was so hot, he'd already started to cook. It was one of the worst scenes I've ever attended in all my years in this job."

Rhyming Slang

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The nursery rhyme "Georgie Porgie" is actually about the rather rotund, and eminently stupid, son of George III, George IV. Neither he, nor his brother William were the sharpest knives in the box, in fact they probably weren't even in the box, they were most likely just left lying around on the side, waiting to be sharpened. It was, essentially, down to their lax behaviour and low moral fibre that, when their niece Victoria ascended to the throne she found herself in charge of a country that was in an extremely bad way and sorely in need of leadership.

Must Visit Website!

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For movie buffs everywhere - even if you just want to while away a few minutes, but not while you're at work, obviously - here is the most useless pastime ever.

It is based on the theory that actor Kevin Bacon can be linked to any other actor in six steps or less. I tried some real obscure people in this and believe me, it is hideously difficult to find anyone who has a Bacon number of more than 3.

I tried the most obscure actor I could think of, Murdock MacQuarrie - a silent movie actor from the 'teens - and he had a Bacon factor of 3! There are some who have Bacon numbers of 7 or 8 but I have yet to find them.

Try it, it will drive you mad! Oracle of Bacon.

More Late-breaking News From Fairyland...

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The trial of Hansel and Gretel, jointly accused of Murder in the First Degree of The Old Witch, starts today in the Fairyland courthouse. The charges against them range from malicious damage of private property, to the alleged murder and subsequent disposal of the body of the Old Witch. The case was brought to the attention of The Queen of Hearts when neighbours raised the alarm after the Old Witch hadn't been seen for several days. When the White Knight investigated the scene of the alleged crime, no trace could be found of the owner of The Gingerbread House.

Their defence lawyer, S. Simon, in this morning's press conference, said, "Put your hands in the air." The council for the prosecution, L. Jack Horner, sat in a corner and refused to comment. Prosecution witnesses are believed to include Miss B Peep, B.B. Blacksheep, and the little boy who lived down the lane. Presiding over the case will be the Hookah-smoking Caterpillar. The case is expected to continue until the cow jumps over the moon.

Imperialism

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The imperial system of weights and measures is actually far more sensible than the metric system. Firstly, mathematically, the imperial system based on twelfths is much more easily broken down into halves, quarters or thirds whereas a metric system cannot.

Secondly, imperial measures were a natural evolution from measurements that were useful to man, the metric system was entirely artificial.

Napoleon decreed, in his rather finite wisdom, that the metre should be defined as one ten millionth of the distance from the North Pole to the Equator, on a line running through Paris. Unfortunately, the ffrenchies got the measurement wrong and didn't allow for the fact that the earth is egg-shaped and changing its size all of the time. So, basically, the metre, and everything based on it is, essentially meaningless. Screw you, Pierre!

And, Finally, From Fairyland...

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PC Plod and his crack squad of elves, pixies and hobgoblins carried out a dawn raid at a cottage in Fairyland Forest this morning, following a tip-off from an unnamed Wicked Queen. The information presented to PC Plod had led him to believe that a house of ill-repute was being operated within the borders of Fairyland Forest and Operation Snow White was given the green light.

When the squad arrived at the premises, said an insider, "There were loads o' laughin' an' shoutin', all the lights was on and there were loud music an' singin'. It could only a bin some kinda devil-worshipin' thing goin' on, if y'ask me. They musta bin on drugs doin' that cokycola, ah reckon, or smokin' herons. I mean seven PORGs livin' in the same house an a perty young wench, t'aint natcherel! An they was singin 'i-o, i-o, i-o', it's obvious it were a song about doin' drugs an' gettin' igh, innit?"

Seven PORGs are helping PC Plod with his enquiries but they are likely to be released later today as long as they promise to be good and not be bad, ever, ever again. An, as yet, unnamed beautiful princess was arrested after a large pot of broth was found on the stove. It is understood that she is to be charged with running a brothel.

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