Top Ten Hairstyles For The Follicly Challenged
A not-so-bald Coot.
What is it with blokes and their hair?
It is a fact of life that, if you're a bloke, your Barnet might start getting a bit sparse and you've suddenly got more hair in your ears than on top of your noggin. As you get older, it disappears from where you really want it and you start sprouting hair in some very strange places. This is an age-old problem and in spite of all of the claims, once its gone, it ain't coming back. Come on fellas, have a little dignity, face up to the fact it's gone and deal with it.
Anyhoo, here's a look at all the things that men have done through the ages to pretend they fully thatched, when in reality they're polished of pate, chrome-domed, smooth-as-a-billiard-ball, bald as the proverbial coot.
It is a fact of life that, if you're a bloke, your Barnet might start getting a bit sparse and you've suddenly got more hair in your ears than on top of your noggin. As you get older, it disappears from where you really want it and you start sprouting hair in some very strange places. This is an age-old problem and in spite of all of the claims, once its gone, it ain't coming back. Come on fellas, have a little dignity, face up to the fact it's gone and deal with it.
Anyhoo, here's a look at all the things that men have done through the ages to pretend they fully thatched, when in reality they're polished of pate, chrome-domed, smooth-as-a-billiard-ball, bald as the proverbial coot.
10. The Bobby
Bobby Charlton
Who was he trying to kid?
Did he ever think that this looked like he wasn't going bald?
Wicked bad comb-over. Schmoooove!
Did he ever think that this looked like he wasn't going bald?
Wicked bad comb-over. Schmoooove!
9. The Arthur
Arthur Scargill
One of the nastiest...
A truly dreadful haircut on one of the most unpleasant people ever to waste oxygen.
Frightful man and comb-over.
A truly dreadful haircut on one of the most unpleasant people ever to waste oxygen.
Frightful man and comb-over.
8. The Reg
Reg Dwight
Hahahahaha!
Did he ever think that no one would notice he suddenly had more hair than he did thirty years ago?
Double-sided tape was obviously on a bit too tight in this photo...
Did he ever think that no one would notice he suddenly had more hair than he did thirty years ago?
Double-sided tape was obviously on a bit too tight in this photo...
7. The Bill
William Shatner
Not even a wool twist...
This is, of course, one of the most blatant pieces of cranial Wilton ever perpetrated on the world. This one didn't even look like real hair. In fact, I'm sure he was the life and soul of parties with this syrup and a bag of balloons.
This is, of course, one of the most blatant pieces of cranial Wilton ever perpetrated on the world. This one didn't even look like real hair. In fact, I'm sure he was the life and soul of parties with this syrup and a bag of balloons.
6. The Burt
Burt Reynolds
Keep away from naked flames!
There can't be one person who truly believed that this was attached to his cue-ball noggin by anything other than SuperGlue! Very similar in look and general appearance to The Shatner - possibly from the same batch of man-made fibres. This may even be a stunt-wig because it looks very similar to Joe Pesci's hair in My Cousin Vinny. Just a thought...
There can't be one person who truly believed that this was attached to his cue-ball noggin by anything other than SuperGlue! Very similar in look and general appearance to The Shatner - possibly from the same batch of man-made fibres. This may even be a stunt-wig because it looks very similar to Joe Pesci's hair in My Cousin Vinny. Just a thought...
5. The Moses
Charlton Heston
Is that a dead racoon?
Let's face it, who is going to tell Moses that he's wearing a rug? Quite! Besides, this looks suspiciously like something he shot one day, whilst out hunting. Who's going to tell the man with the gun that his hair is 60 years younger than he is?
Let's face it, who is going to tell Moses that he's wearing a rug? Quite! Besides, this looks suspiciously like something he shot one day, whilst out hunting. Who's going to tell the man with the gun that his hair is 60 years younger than he is?
4. The Gary
That's just plain sick...
The sickest motherhumper of them all, always wore a syrup. I have it on good authority, from someone who knew him in the 60s, that he was smooth as a bowling ball, even back then. Kiddie-porn pervo. Makes you wanna retch, don't he?
The sickest motherhumper of them all, always wore a syrup. I have it on good authority, from someone who knew him in the 60s, that he was smooth as a bowling ball, even back then. Kiddie-porn pervo. Makes you wanna retch, don't he?
3. The Ritchie
Ritchie Blackmore
What do you mean Ritchie's bald?
OK then. Someone, anyone, give me another credible reason for poncing around in that bloody mongy hat of his for the last 50 years? I rest my case. I have nothing against hats, I wear them myself, from time to time, but really, this is not the 16th Century and Ritchie, you're not a strolling bloody minstrel. Oh, you want proof? Click on the wig pic...
OK then. Someone, anyone, give me another credible reason for poncing around in that bloody mongy hat of his for the last 50 years? I rest my case. I have nothing against hats, I wear them myself, from time to time, but really, this is not the 16th Century and Ritchie, you're not a strolling bloody minstrel. Oh, you want proof? Click on the wig pic...
2. The Ted
Ted Danson
I really want to knock The Ted for wearing a syrup but, it don't look that bad, if I'm honest. And this page is about bad hair...
So, if you're gonna go for a cranial wall-to-wall, get a Danson. Or...
So, if you're gonna go for a cranial wall-to-wall, get a Danson. Or...
1. The Brucie
Bruce Forsyth
In some ways, I feel the same about Old Brucie as with The Ted. So, his hair has looked a bit suspicious for as long as I can remember but, the guy is a legend, whether you like him or not.
I have to say that the concept of a closet full of different wigs in different shades, cuts, and lengths is a little creepy but, he tries. Bless. If you're going for fake follicles, The Brucie has a proven track record.
I have to say that the concept of a closet full of different wigs in different shades, cuts, and lengths is a little creepy but, he tries. Bless. If you're going for fake follicles, The Brucie has a proven track record.
