Tuesday 5th August 2003 - Phoenix to San Antonio
We left Phoenix shortly before dawn, just as the sun was appearing over the distant horizon. A desert sunrise, or sunset, is one of the most stunning sights you will ever see in your entire life, I guarandamntee it.
At sunset the desert floor seems to boil, as if the rocks were melting, turning into flowing lava. The blackness of the heavens moves inexorably groundwards, pulling a curtain of infinite inky darkness behind it. As the sky falls, near to the ground, the sky changes colour dramatically from bright blue, through yellow, orange, deep red, purple, indigo and finally black. As your eyes adjust to the enveloping ebony of the night sky, you notice that is punctuated by innumerable billions of bright white twinkling stars and, whilst we were there, Mars too was angrily burning a fiery hole in the sky every night.
At sunrise, the whole thing happens in reverse. The black gives the impression of pulling up a roller blind, coloured with bands of indigo, stunningly beautiful violet, red and orange, until the blazing yellow ball takes takes pride of place in the unspeakably brilliant azure sky.
In addition to the unbelievable beauty of the whole scene, at sunrise, from the very second that the sun appears on the horizon, you begin to feel its life-giving warmth. The higher that it ascends, the hotter it gets. With no air conditioning, we were going to find out just how hot the desert really gets.
At sunset the desert floor seems to boil, as if the rocks were melting, turning into flowing lava. The blackness of the heavens moves inexorably groundwards, pulling a curtain of infinite inky darkness behind it. As the sky falls, near to the ground, the sky changes colour dramatically from bright blue, through yellow, orange, deep red, purple, indigo and finally black. As your eyes adjust to the enveloping ebony of the night sky, you notice that is punctuated by innumerable billions of bright white twinkling stars and, whilst we were there, Mars too was angrily burning a fiery hole in the sky every night.
At sunrise, the whole thing happens in reverse. The black gives the impression of pulling up a roller blind, coloured with bands of indigo, stunningly beautiful violet, red and orange, until the blazing yellow ball takes takes pride of place in the unspeakably brilliant azure sky.
In addition to the unbelievable beauty of the whole scene, at sunrise, from the very second that the sun appears on the horizon, you begin to feel its life-giving warmth. The higher that it ascends, the hotter it gets. With no air conditioning, we were going to find out just how hot the desert really gets.
The Longest Day
Estimates of time and distance for the journey to San Antonio varied, depending on who you asked. Certainly, it was a bloody long way. We stood little or no chance of making the trip in one day, that was for sure.
Phoenix to El Paso was around 430 miles and a good 6 hour journey. El Paso to San Antonio was easily the same distance again. Davey, wanted to get as far as Fort Stockton, some 700 miles away, between El Paso and San Antonio. That would, of course, leave us with a five hour drive the following day, but hey, what ya gonna do?
The one thing we were assured though, was that it was going to be a hot, sweaty journey with nine of us in the van and no AC. Everyone was unconscious, sleeping soundly, as we pulled into the Taco Bell, just outside Phoenix. It seemed cruel to wake them, so Davey and I eat our Breakfast Burritos and we hit the road. Satiated with the excellent Mexican fare, I too fell asleep quite quickly, waking somewhere on the far side of Tucson.
Phoenix to El Paso was around 430 miles and a good 6 hour journey. El Paso to San Antonio was easily the same distance again. Davey, wanted to get as far as Fort Stockton, some 700 miles away, between El Paso and San Antonio. That would, of course, leave us with a five hour drive the following day, but hey, what ya gonna do?
The one thing we were assured though, was that it was going to be a hot, sweaty journey with nine of us in the van and no AC. Everyone was unconscious, sleeping soundly, as we pulled into the Taco Bell, just outside Phoenix. It seemed cruel to wake them, so Davey and I eat our Breakfast Burritos and we hit the road. Satiated with the excellent Mexican fare, I too fell asleep quite quickly, waking somewhere on the far side of Tucson.
The Thing
East of Tucson, just this side of the Arizona/New Mexico border, between the middle-of-nowhere towns of Benson and Willcox, lies exit 322 of Interstate 10. It's not a major exit; in fact, it's just a slip road to a place called Texas Canyon, which appears on few maps. There is just a gas station and a store on the site, but for many miles you have been aware of its existence. You may not know what 'it' is, but for tens of miles, big, bright, yellow and blue signs have been telling you that 'The Thing?' is here. It is an exercise of marketing genius. By the time you get to exit 322, you have to see 'The Thing', it's a simple as that. If you don't stop here, you would always be wondering what you missed.
So, what would you miss? Well, you would miss the opportunity to:
But, God of Thunder, you whine, what is 'The Thing?' Well, I could tell you, but it would be dangerous. I knew this bloke once, he told someone about 'The Thing' and he died a horrible, painful death. It's the curse of 'The Thing', you see. I can't tell you about 'The Thing'. Exit 322, I-10. Go see it for yourself.
So, what would you miss? Well, you would miss the opportunity to:
- purchase some of the finest crap ever
- see one of the most bizarre collections of, er, stuff, on the planet
- see 'The Thing'
- purchase some more crap on your way out.
But, God of Thunder, you whine, what is 'The Thing?' Well, I could tell you, but it would be dangerous. I knew this bloke once, he told someone about 'The Thing' and he died a horrible, painful death. It's the curse of 'The Thing', you see. I can't tell you about 'The Thing'. Exit 322, I-10. Go see it for yourself.
Three states in one day
Sunshine in Arizona...
Sunshine in Arizona...
Dust Devils in New Mexico...
A Twister in Texas
Hell Paso
Hell Paso; it says it all. The only thing you can think about as you pass through this East Texas hellhole is: Why? What good does it do? What is the point of this place? It is 500 miles from anywhere and its only purpose is to halve the distance to somewhere. This is the most pointless place I've ever been to - and I've lived in Cumbria! Apparently, it is so named because it is 'a pass' between two mountain ranges. It's purpose is exactly that there is nothing here...
Mind you, it does have a great classic rock radio station: Bandit 99.1 Cheers! You made Hell Pass, O, so quickly.
Mind you, it does have a great classic rock radio station: Bandit 99.1 Cheers! You made Hell Pass, O, so quickly.
Arlen TX
Finally, at 11:30PM, we arrived in Fort Stockton, Texas and checked into a motel. We had been on the road for almost 18 hours, in 100º+ temperatures, travelling some 700 miles, through three states, in just one day. You would have thought that we were ready to hit the hay, wouldn't you? What? When there was beer to be bought?
Davey and I headed off to the gas station. In Texas, apparently, you can buy beer in gas stations until the midnight hour. We took a beer order. I wanted Lone Star, as did Davey, there were two orders for MGD, a pack of PBRs, oh and someone wanted a bottle of red wine. We had to shake a leg, there was but ten minutes left.
The first gas station didn't have the right beer. The Exxon had all our required beers. We piled up the six packs on the counter. A big black fella came in and stood behind us, but the Latina behind the counter was taking her sweet time; it occurred to me that she was deliberately going slow because the guy behind us was black. It was two minutes to midnight and he was looking nervously at his watch. Sure, we would get served, but would he make it under the deadline? Was I imagining something that wasn't happening? Perhaps she was just an incompetent slut? She rang our shipping order up, I quickly paid her and moved out of the way so that the guy could get his beer paid for before it became illegal. He appreciated our actions and thanked us, laughing about it. The tart behind the counter did not appreciate me doing that, I could tell and I wasn't imagining it. She had deliberately been going slowly, so that she wouldn't be able to serve a black man. Goddamn! Mexican rednecks! What will they think of next?
Davey and I headed off to the gas station. In Texas, apparently, you can buy beer in gas stations until the midnight hour. We took a beer order. I wanted Lone Star, as did Davey, there were two orders for MGD, a pack of PBRs, oh and someone wanted a bottle of red wine. We had to shake a leg, there was but ten minutes left.
The first gas station didn't have the right beer. The Exxon had all our required beers. We piled up the six packs on the counter. A big black fella came in and stood behind us, but the Latina behind the counter was taking her sweet time; it occurred to me that she was deliberately going slow because the guy behind us was black. It was two minutes to midnight and he was looking nervously at his watch. Sure, we would get served, but would he make it under the deadline? Was I imagining something that wasn't happening? Perhaps she was just an incompetent slut? She rang our shipping order up, I quickly paid her and moved out of the way so that the guy could get his beer paid for before it became illegal. He appreciated our actions and thanked us, laughing about it. The tart behind the counter did not appreciate me doing that, I could tell and I wasn't imagining it. She had deliberately been going slowly, so that she wouldn't be able to serve a black man. Goddamn! Mexican rednecks! What will they think of next?
We returned to the motel and I disgorged our bounty. Me, Greg, Ush, Davey and Snotty gathered outside and we shot the shit, drank some beers and said 'Yup' a lot, into the early hours of the morning. Sitting outside, in the cool night air, I realised why this all looked so familiar; I was in the middle of 'King of the Hill' country here. This was Cracker County, USA and I was amazed at how close to the cartoon, the reality actually is. It is scary!
Since my little contretemps with the Black Widow in San Diego, I was somewhat jumpy when anything scuttled, crawled or scurried anywhere in my environs. The rustling noises I could hear all around were quite disconcerting, but I sucked it up and toughed it out - until, this big, ugly, greasy, disgusting, skanky, nasty, bottom-feeding, brutal, trashbag-cockroach came scampering across the path. I jumped up and without a moments hesitation, I stomped the first ever cockroach I had seen. It would not be my last!
Since my little contretemps with the Black Widow in San Diego, I was somewhat jumpy when anything scuttled, crawled or scurried anywhere in my environs. The rustling noises I could hear all around were quite disconcerting, but I sucked it up and toughed it out - until, this big, ugly, greasy, disgusting, skanky, nasty, bottom-feeding, brutal, trashbag-cockroach came scampering across the path. I jumped up and without a moments hesitation, I stomped the first ever cockroach I had seen. It would not be my last!
At the Drive-Thru Window
A short detour took us to Fredericksburg and a drive-thru liquor store.
The only drinkin' an' drivin' crime in Texas is spilling your beer!
This could only exist in the USA and probably only in Texas, or maybe Tennessee.
The only drinkin' an' drivin' crime in Texas is spilling your beer!
This could only exist in the USA and probably only in Texas, or maybe Tennessee.
Nowhere TX
In Fort Stockton, we drank until we'd exhausted the beer supply. I wasted a couple more roaches, we played with a toad for a while (don't ask!) and we generally chilled out. Eventually, we went to bed. As usual, Chig was the first to succumb to Morpheus' gentle ministrations, then Kev, Snotty and Greg, leaving me, Ush and Davey to finish up the night's drinking and take the honours.
The Next morning, we each luxuriated in the glory of a shower before stepping out, once more, into the humid furnace of eastern Texas and the mobile sauna that was the van. After a brief stop for the obligatory morning eggs, bacon and toast, we rounded up the herd and hustled them little doggies on the road to San Antonio.
Click here for the next bit
The Next morning, we each luxuriated in the glory of a shower before stepping out, once more, into the humid furnace of eastern Texas and the mobile sauna that was the van. After a brief stop for the obligatory morning eggs, bacon and toast, we rounded up the herd and hustled them little doggies on the road to San Antonio.
Click here for the next bit